Desire or Devotion? What does God Really Want from Me?

I will admit it, there is a conflicting nature in my soul and no I am not referring to the nature of Paul’s conflicting natures (Romans 7). I tend to uphold a stricter (some would say more ‘conservative’) view of how the Bible should be used. When thinking about the long term goals of letting God’s word mold my soul while at the same time influencing and working with those around me,I draw motivation from events like the Restoration Movement. While I read about the history of the Church and of the men that have shaped and altered its course I can’t help but feel envious of the influence and in awe of the ability of a few men to say “No! This is the way it is intended to be! We have to return to what God had intended all along!”

But My Heart Remains Troubled. What am I Missing?

If I am not careful when reading the Bible I interpret passages and actions in a way that creates this dichotomy in my mind of who God was and is. I create this character profile of Jesus based on my inclinations and my character.  I want to use two passages that are about God’s relationship with Moses:

1. Exodus 4:14 – Then the Lord’s anger burned against Moses
2. Exodus 33:11 – The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend.

Read passage #2 again. Now read passage #1 again, o.k. now #2 again. Until recently I kept the Old Testament just barely out of reach. It was good for Sunday school Bible stories, but not something I was particularly excited about studying. I wanted the meat of the New Testament. Tell me more about Jesus running through the temple with a whip and throwing things around. I wanted more of God’s wrath!

God Decides it is Time for Me to Learn a Thing or Two.

I can almost hear God’s voice in my head, “You want some more of my wrath? Really? Are you sure?” It was a brief ‘Job’ moment for me. I had gotten comfortable with the idea that I was right. I had placed God into this container that I had made. Stuffing it full so that there was nothing sticking out. Job had become too comfortable with his idea of ‘God’ and so had I.

“Therefore, say to the Israelites: ‘I am the LORD, and I will bring you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. I will free you from being slaves to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with mighty acts of judgment. ⁷ I will take you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you will know that I am the LORD your God, who brought you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. ⁸ And I will bring you to the land I swore with uplifted hand to give to Abraham, to Isaac and to Jacob. I will give it to you as a possession. I am the LORD.’ ” – Exodus 6:6

We Give a Little and Take a Little but God Wants it All.

Because I am naturally inclined to be more aggressive I pursue the parts of the Bible that support that feeling. If something needs correcting I want to correct it. I would read about God and Jesus’ wrath and righteous judgment and focus on it. The more I read about the Church’s history, the more I start to see some correlation between how the men I admire acted and the way those around them reacted (now it’s right about now that I predict some of you are in defense mode, but take a deep breath, I’m adding value to what you already believe).

You see, when I read Exodus 33:11 and 6:6, something fell from the sky, smacked my face and said “wake up!” Yes God shows His wrath and yes Jesus and His apostles preached the importance of accuracy, truth and being strong against false doctrine, but from the absolute beginning of mankind God has been asking (at times pleading) for us to be His people. He wants us to desire Him above all else. If He were to speak to me as he did to Moses, as a friend, I would imagine Him saying “Trust me, listen to me. Desire my will above all else, not because it makes you right or justifies your anger or feelings, but because you love Me  above all else, because you love my children above all else.”

If you have time go to Matthew 26 and re-read how Jesus acted in Gethsemane.

The more I think on these things the more conviction I have in the mission of this site.

I want to discover God’s complete will. I want to know what is accurate. I want to return to a focus on basing all we do on knowing what God approves of and what He would warn us about. Above all of that though I have to do it because I desire His will. The Lord’s children have and will always disagree on many things, but our focus has to be on God.  Love God first and each other second, but in everything we still have love and a pure desire to be His people.

I am convinced that only way the message of the Bible can really change our hearts and the hearts of the those still in the world is by the Lord’s children exhibiting what I spoke about in this article. God does not want a soldier that cannot radiate love, and He does not want a romantic that is incapable of fighting for truth. We try to give a little but God want’s it all.